There are two major things that I want to discuss, both deeply personal.
First, the one that occured this morning.
Johnny ran away from our house. My Dad went out to the garage to wake him up, and he wasn't out there. He told me and I was confused, because he had came home last night and watched "The Deer Hunter" with me. I called everyone who I could think of trying to find him. No luck. We then left earlier than usual in order to stop at Evelyn's house, as well as Ted's house, to see if he was at either of those places.
When we got to Evelyn's, there was a note on the doorstep from Johnny, saying how he is running away from our "shitty house" and is going to stay with his mother.
He is a fucking idiot. He's throwing away being able to graduate from high school and go to college, and for what? So he can see his girlfriend more often and to live with his meth addicted mother. He lived with her once before, and she treated him like shit. In fact, he had to be the de-facto parent of his two siblings because his sorry excuse for a mother decided to party instead of being a parent.
Well, go for it, Johnny! You threw away your best chance at life, and now you will drown in mediocrity, like the rest of your family.
I knew something like this was coming. I've known ever since all this shit with him not coming home began. I've been prepared, but I'm still angry at him. Whatever, though. Let him face the real world.
The second event has been drawn out since last week, and aches ever so much more... My best friend, Jamie, has cut her connections to me. Why? I have a few guesses, but I'm not positive. She hangs up on me when I call, she put me on ignore on AIM, and she took me off of her friends list on LJ.
Jamie, you probably won't read this, but I must say it anyway. I apologize for anything and everything I did with complete honestly. You were my best friend, and it hurts me incredibly to know that you want nothing to do with me. I'm going to miss hearing you yell my name excitedly whenever you saw me or talked to me on the phone, it made me know that I was a valued friend, and added meaning to my life.
When you hung up on me on Saturday... That was the most alone I have ever felt. Everything seemed unreal, and the world was cold.
I bear you no ill will, as this is my fault, and I know you will achieve your pursuits. Have a good life.
It has become clear to me that my life is changing rapidly, as evident from these events. As such, I am closing this journal. It is a relic of a bygone era for me, and has followed me from Illinois to Shasta College. My entire senior year of high school is documented here.
However, I'm no longer in high school.
This isn't to say that I am leaving LiveJournal, though. No, I'm going to create a new account and add most of my friends again. I hope to eventually save everything written here and compile it on a computer and on paper. This is my life, after all, and I do not want to forget.
So, this is the last post you will get from me as sp_davan. I aplogize for all the commotion, but I need to get my life figured out, as right now it is just a jumbled mess of jigsaw pieces.
But, then again, will that ever be different?
I just compiled a list of stuff I'm going to buy people for Christmas, minus my Mom, as I can't find anything for her yet. I'm doing almost all of my shopping on Amazon, and the price tag is $228.02... @_@
Hey, at least I get free shipping.
Halloween was awesome. Jamie and I trick or treated the night away. It was awesome. I've got pictures to prove it!
Polar opposites suck.
Today, in History of Art, the whole class kinda exploded into debate, because we were on the subject of Islamic art, and also had a student presentation on the Roman Emperor Constantine. Religion always sparks the most fiery conversations, does it not?
On the other end of spectrum, Introduction to Theater was the most boring it has been in quite some time. Jay fell asleep, Carla fell asleep, and this one girl fell asleep. Why does that class have to be so dull?
I've recently taken up painting, actually. Nothing spectacular, mind you, just an outlet for my thoughts.
This weekend had a lot more stuff going on than normal.
First off, I went to Jamie's house on Friday after school. I helped her clean her house, and we listened to Pink Floyd, Dir en Grey, and Malice Mizer. (Which one of these doesn't belong...) It was awesome, although she had to hide me from her Dad, because he's kinda crazy. Anyways, we later found out that he knew I was there the whole time. It was fine, though, because I found out that he doesn't hate me like he does all her other friends. That was a first, quite honestly.
Saturday, nothing much happened. Spent a lot of time looking for Johnny, and that's it.
Sunday, we went with Ted to Home Depot to get paint. Johnny went with us dressed up as Jesus, and it was so awesome. We asked an employee where nails and two-by-fours were. Later that day, we went over to Jay's to roleplay. It was fun most of the time, but there were times that Jay and his girlfriend Athena would descend into these little lovey-dovey sessions with each other, leaving the rest of us out. The roleplaying ended this way, leaving Johnny, Brian Hougland, and myself to watch an awful, awful sequel to "The Crow".
My haul for today:
Acid Mothers Temple - Starless and Bible Black Sabbath
Dream Theater - The Number of the Beast (Cover)
Dream Theater - Dark Side of the Moon (Cover)
Pink Floyd - Out There (A collection of remixes.)
Roger Waters - To Kill The Child (A single with two new songs on it from Mr. Waters himself. Best stuff I've heard from him since "The Pros and Cons of Hitch Hiking")
System of a Down - Self-Titled
Emerson, Lake, and Palmer (Dunno the album)
The Darker Side of a Dream (A weird mix of various Pink Floyd songs and Tool Songs...)
Want to see a morally depraved website? Here's one.
Well, family drama abounds lately.
My Dad got arrested for drunk driving last night. It's surprising in the least, considering. And you know what? He got home in the middle of the night last night and HE IS STILL DRINKING.
I fucking hate alcohol, and I'm begining to beleive prohibition is a good idea. I mean, alcohol is the main factor in my family's disintergration.
I hope I never, ever get drunk, and I am going to make it a point to not to.
Anyways, I have some pictures I would like to share with you, my loving LJ family.
( What do you mean I can't take off my sweater?! I'M HOT!Collapse )
I'm sitting next to Jesska right now in the library. She is making a LiveJournal. That is awesome.
Oh, wait, Jesska gave up. No LiveJournal for her. ;_;
I got out of math an hour and a half early today, because one of the teacher's wasn't there. It made me HAPPY.
A few days ago, there was a skinhead at the computer in the library. He was watching Michael Jackson videos. That made me laugh.